


What's Tsukki feeling?

by tsukkifeels



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Smile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukkifeels/pseuds/tsukkifeels
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to know what Tsukki's feeling. Most people would scoff and say "You can never know what the bastard's thinking," and Tadashi would agree with you, except he generally knows what he's thinking. You would expect that of someone who knew Tsukki for years. But even then Tadashi feels a slight pain in his chest when he sees Tsukki right now.Why does it hurt when Tsukki looks at someone else?First fic haha :D
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 76





	What's Tsukki feeling?

Sometimes it's hard to know what Tsukki's feeling. Most people would scoff and say _"You can never know what the bastard's thinking,"_ and Tadashi would agree with you, except he generally knows what he's thinking. You would expect that of someone who knew Tsukki for years. But even then Tadashi feels a slight pain in his chest when he sees Tsukki right now.

Tsukishima had gone on to see his grandparents with his family for most of the holidays, so Tadashi was by himself for most of it. Sure, he'd met up with some of the people from his classes, but, as Tadashi would think afterward, lying in bed, they didn't have the same sarcasm, the same sense of fun, the small smiles. They weren't _Kei_. Yamaguchi sat up at the thought. _Since when did he call Tsukki_ Kei _?_ _But then again, they've been friends for years, it's normal._ Somewhat settled with the thought, he went down for dinner, and that was that. But when Tsukki had come back just before the last week of summer holidays, his cheeks grow warm. Normally he runs up to give him a hug, but he can't. Because Tsukki looks at him normally, whereas Tadashi can't breathe. It hits him. The flutters, the thoughts, the smiles. _Oh no._

And now they were lying on his bed, listening to music playing softly. Tsukishima was flicking through his phone, while Tadashi was babbling about the new year ahead of them when he asks, "You planning to get a girlfriend this year Tsukki? You were pretty popular with girls last year, right?" 

Tsukki, who was nodding softly, stilled. Tadashi looks at him. He looks at Tadashi. He's blushing, faint, but still there. "That kind of thing is annoying. I'm not bothered."

They've had this sort of conversation before, and that's where it ends. Or so he thought. A week later he notices even more change, in both him and Tsukki. He now thinks of Tsukishima nibbling those lips in concentration when doing his maths, his lips while drinking water during practice, and wonders what it's like to touch them. He would probably get over this soon. _Tsukki's into girls, isn't he?_ But for now, a little was okay. He now blushes more than he used to, stares more at the taller boy than he used to. He pays more attention.

And realises that Tsukki looks at the decoy.

It might be because they're both middle blockers. It might be because Tsukishima is slightly less snarky, softer. It might be because Hinata Shoyo is the sort of person who can break anyone's walls down. Whatever reason it may be, they both start staying after school, Kageyama tagging along once or twice. Tadashi though? He walks home alone, wondering when walking home together became a comfort, something so small and irrelevant ripped away. Because even when they walk together home, Tsukishima walks quickly. He doesn't come over, doesn't go over, not as much as before. It's awkward if they do. Music isn't the same, strawberry shortcake isn't the same, heck, talking isn't the same.

And now Tadashi thinks over what he's done wrong. Maybe it was the incessant chatter, maybe it was his volleyball, m-maybe...

Maybe Tadashi had finally become annoying to Tsukishima.

And that would be fine a few months ago. He probably would've survived, he could only stick around for so long. Tadashi hasn't had may friends before Tsukki, just people from class who would invite him out of pity. Now that he thinks back to when Tsukishima saved him by calling him "pathetic", he realises that he was probably lucky it went on for so long. There's only so much one could take from someone like him. It would've been fine...

If he hadn't fallen pathetically for him.

If he hadn't been hopeful from the slight blushes.

If Tsukki had shown the possibility that he could feel the same to him too.

Because before he could pin it down to the fact that Tsukki couldn't. But now it was that Tsukki wouldn't. And Tadashi can't blame him. No one could possibly choose him when the literal ball of sunshine is right there. Tsukki was too good for Tadashi, even when he thought that maybe, _just maybe_ , Tsukishima Kei felt the same because sometimes he would blush, sometimes Tadashi would catch him looking at him. But then again, it was Tsukki, who was kind, who was helpful, he didn't show hope because he didn't like to be disappointed. Tadashi hoped he was it for Tsukki since he was allowed to hang out. 

It's been said, maybe not so much to his hearing, but he isn't deaf. _Yamaguchi is so plain. Look at his freckles. He's not even in the starting line like the other first years. Why is he even there?_ And honestly, Tadashi agrees. He would quit volleyball, if it weren't for the fact he would waste all of Shimada's efforts, and yes, maybe because Tsukki is till in the club. And he enjoys it, even if he's not so good.

A few months later, it's getting better. Or rather, some things are getting better. Tsukki hasn't completely abandoned Tadashi, but it wasn't like before. Third-years now, Yamaguchi is captain, surprisingly to him, with Kageyama as vice. This leads to even less time with his "best friend", but he tries to convince himself it's for the best anyway. He needs to get over the stupid butterflies _fast_. They still haven't gone. You'd think seeing someone less would make them go away, but no. The absence just makes the little time special. It leads to Yamaguchi overthinking before, during, and after, it makes him stutter. It makes him cry at night, knowing that this would probably never go away, but he would. Tsukishima Kei was meant for great things, with that stupidly good-looking face and intelligence. Tadashi still doesn't know what he wants to do. His captaincy was more out of practicality than skill. He's average in everything, a plain face, a normal brain. And yet, he cries for things he can't have, for someone who can't love him back.

At this point, he's lost hope. He doesn't look at Tsukki's face anymore for telltale blushes. He still talks to him, and it's more or less like usual, but now Tadashi knows it won't change. It just won't. 

It surprises him when he walks in on Hinata and Kageyama kissing. They're at their last camp with the Fukurodani association. The old second- and third-years from when he was a first-year are there for a few days too. It was nice and brought memories old and new. Although Bokuto and Hinata together may have been a bad idea. Tadashi had left Tsukki with Kuroo and Kenma, the latter being dragged into the conversation.

The first thought he has is, _What about Tsukki? Oh wait, I shouldn't be watching._ Luckily he doesn't think they saw him.

"Yamaguchi!"

_Shoot._

Tadashi is attacked by a furry orange ball as they both crash into the wall. "Haha, sorry about that." Hinata rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "I just wanted to ask you to keep, umm, _what you saw,_ a secret?"

"From Tsukki?"

"The rest of the club? I kinda wanna tell them ourselves..." Tadashi slowly nods, and Hinata smiles, bouncing to his feet. "Great! I've been feeling all bwaaaah lately, and I told Kageyama, and he was the same, so we-"

"But what about Tsukki?"

Hinata stops. "Huh? What about him?"

It hurts Tadasi to say this, but he's confused. "A-aren't you t-together?"

Hinata's mouth falls open. "Me? With Stingyshima? No!" He suddenly blinks, and the smirks. "Actually, I think you should ask him about _that..."_

Tadashi flushes. "I-I-I don't know w-what you mean-"

"Just go ask him!" Hinata turns him around and pushes. Tadashi jolts forward, straightens, and walks calmly back where he came from. Once around the corner, however, he starts running. _If what Hinata has been saying is true,_ he pants, dashing through the corridors, _then I might be able to ask, and maybe, just maybe-_

He slows when he gets to the last turn, goes around, just in time to-

"- _I like you."_

Tsukki stands in front of Kuroo, Kuroo's smirking, Tadashi freezes, his heart is nowhere to be found, a devoid empty space. he stares, he can't feel, Tsukki sees him, Kuroo looks suprisedTsukki turns to him and starts saying, "Yama-"

Tadashi doesn't hear the rest. He's already running, surprising himself, away from the scene. He just runs. All he hears is the _thud, thud, thud_ of his shoes as he escapes. Outside, anywhere. Anywhere but there. He reaches the field, runs to the trees. He sits. It's dark, the stars are out.

_Tsukki called his freckles stars once._

Tadashi feels tears rising. He squashes them. _No way_ is he going to cry over someone he never had, over a stupid love. _No way_. If he looks up, his tears will be forced in. He looks up. He sees the moon.

He can't stop the tears now.

It was hopeless in the first place. He knew this would happen. He _knew,_ and yet he _still_ raised them, _still_ dared to hope, that he could find happiness. Why,why, _why did he fall for Tsukishima Kei?_

_Why did Tsukishima Kei let him hang around?_

_Why did Tsukishima Kei save him?_

_Why did Tsukishima Kei ever meet him?_

Because at that moment, if he knew how much he would cry, how much he would hope, how much he would be hurt, Yamaguchi Tadashi would have chosen to never meet him.

Tadashi spoke to Tsukishima after that. He still had to maintain the team, he wasn't allowed to be that selfish. But he avoided him out of the club, never bought snacks with him, never walked home with him, didn't finish homework with him. He would say he stopped thinking about him if you asked, but he'd be lying. _The stupid crush would not go away._ He still got flutters, still dreamed, still cried. But he didn't hope. He knew better than that now.

Tsukishima, to his surprise, tried to talk to him, but if it ever looked like the conversation would go that way, he'd make excuses, lie, run, anything to escape. 

The win Nationals. Time flies, third-years handing responsibilities to the second-years, the university pack-up, exams.

The end of high school. Tadashi goes home after graduation. He takes his last look at his school, his friends, his teachers. He doesn't look at _him,_ or he'll cry again.

Tadashi looks around his room. He's going to Tokyo. so there are some boxes lying around. He spots a lone dinosaur on the shelf and remembers he got it as a present from Tsukki from when they were 12, and only Tadashi knew about the dinosaurs. He smiles sadly, for once successfully holding in the tears. _These feelings will go away,_ he tells himself. _Then you'll meet someone ridiculously hot and it'll be the end of that Tsukishima Kei-_

The bell rings. His parents. He goes downstairs and opens the door, then slams it shut. _Speak of the devil and he appears!_

He opens the door again sheepishly. Tsukishima's smiling, and Tadashi's heart jumps forlornly. "Is this how you greet people nowadays?"

Tadashi looks down. "...Hey Tsukishima."

Tsukishima doesn't seem to react, and smoothly continues, "We need to talk. Let's go for a walk."

Tadashi figures they might as well finish this. Maybe he can let go then. He nods. 

They walk to their usual spot in the park. It's dark, the moon, and stars out to play. They walk to to their tree, and sit. There's silence, and Tadashi soon can't take it any longer.

"H-how's Kuroo?" _Damn his stupid mouth._

Tsukkishima frowns. "He's okay I think? Why do you want to know about him?"

Now Tadashi frowns. "You don't need to lie."

"What am I lying about? The weirdo's probably good."

Tadashi knows that he's weak, but he's not stupid. He raises his voice a little. "Tsukishima, I know I haven't been talking to you, but you don't have to hide that you're dating Kuroo."

Tsukishima now looks confused. "What?"

"Stop pretending." Tadashi's voice is pretty loud now. What, is he that dumb? Does the great Tsukishima think so little of him?

"But I'm not-"

"I'M NOT STUPID!" Tadashi's screaming. He starts to cry."Just because you're the _great Tsukishima Kei_ , does _not_ mean you get to lie to me! Just because I'm that _pathetic_ , does _not_ mean I'm dumb!"

Tsukishima still looks shocked. The last time Tadashi had yelled was to encourage him. "Yamaguchi-"

"I'm done with your crap! Can you stop it? I pretended not to have been there, didn't say anything to anyone, wished you the best i could, and you _still_ talk to me like I'm _dumb-"_

_"Tadashi-"_

_"Don't."_ Tadashi glares, until he feels the tears, and this time, _fuck it_ , he lets them go. "Just because I'm stupid, dumb, _pathetic,_ does not mean you do this. _Just because I love you does not mean you get to do this._ "

Tsukishima's dumbstruck. "Y-you love me?"

Tadashi's eyes widen slightly, but he keeps going. "I wanted to stop, but I cant. It's too deep, I c-can't _stop_ , it h-hurts, and i-i knew you didn't feel t-the same. I didn't want to r-ruin anything, b-but it seemed like things were ruined a-anyway, you didn't come over, I wasn't i-invited anymore,y-y" He's hiccupping now, and he can't breathe, but he lets it all out. "y-you were with _Hinata, I_ know I was a waste of your time, but it was too late, then I found out he w-wasn't it, then I ran to ask you, and then I saw k-k-kuroo, got my a-answer," he covers his face, "i-I'll get over I'll try, I'll stop, but-"

His hands are pulled away, and suddenly, softness is on his lips. His leans in, till he realises what it is, and pulls away. "W-what the hell was _that_?"

Tsukishima's blushing. He's _blushing_ , profusely, opening his mouth but no words come.

Then it hits Tadashi. "Are y-you making fun of me-"

Tsukiishima hugs him. The warmth envelops him, and he can't stop it, he takes the warmth. He cries softly, pressing his face into his shoulder. _Tsukishima Kei is warm._ And then, _I'm never getting over him now._

Tsukishima whispers. "I love you, Tadashi."

Tadashi loves his daydreams. Until he remembers this is real life and-

"WHAT?" He leans back, accidentally slapping Tsukishima on the way.

"Ouch."

"Sorry, Tsukki." It slips out. _Some habits never die, huh._

Tsukishima, who was rubbing his jaw, suddenly laughs.

Now Tadashi's confused. "...Now what?"

Tsukki sighs. It's the first time you called me Tsukki, obviously, it had to be that way." Tadashi flushes. Tsukki looks at him. "I think you misunderstood Yamaguchi. Will you listen?"

Tadashi hesitantly nods.

"I've been in love with you since maybe forever now, but it only hit me when we were 16. Of _course_ , it was you, you're too... _cute_." Tadashi gapes. Tsukki continues. "And I didn't think you felt the same. And, _of course_ , Hinata out of all people notices. I had to practice with him to make sure he never told you, and he kept on _yapping_ either how to confess to you, or the stupid King. Then, camp happened, and Kuroo knew immediately. He convinced me to tell you," he blushes at this, "and I was going to. I made a whole fucking _speech_ , got _flowers_ and _everything_ , and Kuroo made me practice. And then I see you after I finish, and you ran off. And I knew. You didn't feel the same. I wanted to explain, but you didn't let me."

He looks at him, properly. "Tadashi, _I love you._ " He holds out his arms. 

Tadashi didn't know when he started crying again, but he starts sobbing and jumps into his arms. Kei cradles him gently, kissing his hair. "I-I love y-you, Kei," he gets out and Kei just holds him tighter. They stay like that for a few minutes, until Tadashi feels his face being lifted up.

"C-can I?" Kei's shy for once, but he's looking at his lips.

" _Please_ ," Tadashi replies breathlessly. 

Kei first kisses his forehead, then brushes his lips against Tadashi's cheeks, chin, nose, until, _finally_ , their lips meet.

It's a gentle press, gentle caresses of their lips, till Tadashi's hands slip up to Kei's hear, and entangles in his hair. Kei pulls back to look for a second, rubs his cheek softly, before _crushing_ their lips together. This one is more passionate, they push and pull, Kei grips his hips, Tadashi opens his mouth a little to let out a sound when he feels a tongue slip in, and _wow._ It's soft but _wet,_ a hint of sweetness, he pulls tighter, and he pulls his hair, Kei _groans,_ and they pull apart to catch their breath. Tadashi giggles and Kei does too, and suddenly they're both laughing loud, for the stars and moon to hear. When they finish, Tadashi snuggles into Kei, resting his cheek on his chest. Kei rests his head. 

"Hey Kei?"

He feels Kei smiling. "Yes?"

"What are you think about?"

He sighs. "I'm thinking about how my dreams look like they're coming true."

Tadashi smiles for the first time in a long while. "That sounds nice.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic haha, I've basically read all the tsukkiyama fics and I wanted to make my own so :)  
> Also, this wasn't supposed to be sad yamaguchi but it became like that because :D


End file.
